I want to provide this account of my experiences with XCF to inform and encourage others who may have experienced similar things. I want you to know that you did nothing to deserve such treatment. For so long I believed the Elders. They made me feel I was to blame for the things that happened.
As more stories come out, I hope victims of abuse feel better about themselves and realise they should no longer feel powerless. The Samson Rising initiative has given me hope that something will finally be done to stop future generations from suffering as I did.
I believe the pattern of abuse I experienced is still present within the CFO today. I’ve shared my best recollection of events covering 30 years of attendance at xCF. I hope you find it helpful.
My father’s skepticism about the cult’s increasing control of his family led to a confrontation with (redacted). In a chilling display of power, (redacted) forced my mother, siblings, and me to declare him as the head of our household in front of my father. He asked each of us, “Who is the father in this house?” We had to respond, “You are.”
This act pushed my father to breaking point, leading to a suicide attempt. My 16-year-old sister found him unconscious from a sleeping pill overdose and performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while waiting for an ambulance.
Exploiting this tragedy, (redacted) convinced my mother that my father was evil and under Satan’s influence. He declared that, for the sake of our salvation, she had to leave him immediately. Soon after, a van arrived and moved us, along with the contents of our house, to an undisclosed location. My father came home from work to find his family gone. For decades, he had no idea where we were.
I was seven years old, frightened and confused. I was told my father had gone on a long holiday. We changed schools and were moved into a one-room house with a woman from xCF. My mother shared a double bed with her; my two sisters and I slept on the floor, and my brother was made to sleep on a dirt floor in the garage.
Decades later, I began the painful process of reconnecting with my father. He still carries deep emotional scars, and I wrestle with feelings of abandonment. As a child, you don’t understand the complexities of adult decisions—you only know you feel alone, rejected, and confused.
At 13, (redacted) began grooming me, initiating emotional and psychological manipulation under the guise of spiritual guidance. Twice a week, I was forced to meet him privately in his office after school. Other male elders often witnessed his obsession with me but never intervened.
Over time, his behavior escalated to physical abuse and sexual assault, including invasive touching, kissing, and fondling. On several occasions, he lay on top of me while kissing me. These experiences left me distressed, ashamed, and isolated. These meetings continued until I left high school.
In the summer of 1976, I was physically assaulted by (redacted) in the presence of (redacted). They claimed it was “discipline” for failing to attend a Sunday night church meeting.
I was forced to lie over a desk, exposing my thighs and underwear beneath my school uniform. (Redacted) beat me with a piece of wood approximately 2 inches by 1 inch.
Afterward, I was made to kneel in front of the group of men and pray for repentance. The other elders and leaders who witnessed this abuse never intervened; they never asked if I was okay, they never took me out of harm’s way, or reported it to the police.
Without my consent, the church leadership placed me with another family in the fellowship. My mother, under their control, complied despite my siblings’ objections. This family became my world until I left the fellowship in 2000.
From 1982 to 1990, I was forbidden any contact with my mother or siblings. The church brainwashed me against my biological family, deepening the psychological isolation.
At 17, I expressed my desire to study child psychology. (redacted) discouraged this, insisting I attend the cult’s full-time live-in Bible school instead. Despite enrolling and paying for courses at Preston Technical College, he intervened the night before classes began.
After a Sunday meeting, he informed me I was to pack immediately and report to the Bible school the next morning. He gave me hours to prepare, shattering my plans for higher education.
During my time at the Boronia facility, he continued his abuse. He required private meetings in his bedroom where I had to sit on his bed, and he would ask for intimate details about me and my boyfriend, whom I was forbidden to associate with whilst with him at the Bible School. These sessions were humiliating and invasive, where he would stroke the inside of my thighs. Some girls endured even worse.
When my husband, at the time, began experiencing severe symptoms from melanoma cancer complications, including debilitating headaches and mood changes, the church leadership forbade me from seeking medical care. They claimed it violated church doctrine.
At a church camp in Warrnambool, my husband fell into a coma. For three days, the elders refused to allow medical intervention. Finally, my fellowship parents secretly transported us to a hospital, where he was airlifted to the Royal Melbourne Hospital and underwent emergency brain surgery. However, my husband passed away. The neurosurgeon stated his cancer could have been diagnosed and treated. This extreme distress could have been prevented with timely treatment. The unnecessary suffering haunts me to this day.
After my husband’s death, I attempted to leave the church. In response, (redacted) threatened to take my children.
The elders gave me an ultimatum: leave the fellowship but leave my children behind. They threatened legal action, claiming they had the resources to declare me an unfit mother. Alone, widowed, and shunned by everyone I had ever known, their threats were overwhelming.
The church preached and enforced the ostracization of family members who left the fellowship. When I left, my children, aged 5, 10, and 13, lost all contact with their extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends severed ties, following the church’s doctrine of excommunication.
This isolation caused profound emotional trauma for my children and me. The fellowship’s coercive practices left us without support, compounding the difficulty of rebuilding our lives.
After decades of psychological therapy, sometimes weekly, I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression, and anxiety disorder. I have been on antidepressants for 20 years.
The cumulative impact of these events has devastated my physical, emotional, financial, and psychological well-being. Years of manipulation, abuse, and coercion have left lasting scars, affecting my personal and professional life. The ostracization and isolation of my children continue to cause pain and hardship.
I carry the burden of rebuilding my life while enduring the long-term effects of trauma. Despite these challenges, I am determined to pursue justice and accountability for the harm inflicted on me and countless others by the Fellowship.
I am reporting these events in support of the Samson Rising team. Their plans to compile information and compel an investigation into the CFO are of the highest priority to me.
I am pleased to offer this account of events to become part of the complaints soon to be made to the ACNC (Australian Charities & Not-for-profit Commission) and various state-based regulators of CFO operating entities.
Concerned Citizen
